You held my hand
But our hands never locked, nor did they touch
Even though you asked for them to come together
I wish you didn’t ask. I wish you just told me.
You held your hand out and gave me the option to hold it
I will be eternally grateful for the outreach of your arm,
yet in the moment
I turn
For years to come, this outreach feels like I was held for the first time. The first time I loved someone as much as I despaired
But the rigidity of my body got in the way of my love,
As it so often has
In my dreams your arm is still waiting for me,
But I have no way of knowing
It’s the not knowing that pains me.